Celebrity gossip marauders tmz.com have every possible detail of this week’s landmark Lindsay Lohan nosedive: Lindsay: “I Wasn’t Driving, the Black Kid Was”

According to the group, Lindsay suddenly jumped in the driver’s seat of the Denali, started the engine and began driving — chasing the assistant’s car.

They say at one point, Lindsay boasted, “I can’t get in trouble. I’m a celebrity. I can do whatever the f**k I want.”

Also: TMZ has obtained the 911 tape describing what went down with the Lindsay Lohan incident.

David Sedaris’s books are notorious for causing public LOLs. The books collect his essays, so reading this one in a recent New Yorker may serve as a preview for a future book. But the real reason you should read it is because it’s great. Sedaris’ This Old House

If you saw Ratatouille, you might have noticed that the voice of that beautiful rat was one Patton Oswald. If you know him, congratulations. If you don’t? Watch: